I figured out why I'm so intrigued by online dating -- it isn't that I'm unhappy with M, it's that I love filling out quizzes, I love seeing how people define themselves for other people, it sort of fascinates me.

You wore those earrings for a reason, I wasn't going to wear this necklace, but M said it made me look pretty. I wanted to look pretty. I think. Tonight. I'm feeling festive. But I didn't want to, I never want to wear so much make-up that it doesn't look like how I would look like in the morning, that you wouldn't recognize me, but some people on online dating do. Some women cake their faces with make-up, other women show shots of them dancing, their bodies twisting and turning, showing off their curves. Others do a close-up shot of their face. No smile. Then there are those that stare demurely up at the camera, or over their shoulder in a 'come hither' glance. We're posing for each other. And the men. There are those in business suits, jacket over their shoulders. Black and white. Head shots. Staged scenes down a street. Others show themselves on a mountain, in biking gear, smiling naturally, and then there are those who just take the shot, no smile. Nothing. You can tell, mostly, which ones take their own shot and which ones had professional help and which pictures were taken at the spur of the moment, at a bar or a park or finishing a marathon. What do people write in the 'describe me' box? Tell me a little about yourself. 200 characters or less. 200 words. How do you define a person in 200 characters? What do you leave out and what do you choose to say?

I found this same fascination with those online quizzes going around facebook a few years ago. The assignment was to write 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. But it wasn't completely random. We chose how we wanted to be perceived, how we thought we would be perceived. I did one, but I don't know exactly why I chose the items on my list, like I sing in my car, make soundtracks for every screenplay I write, adore avocados, am sometimes standoffish but don't mean to be. Love bacon, though I haven't had it in awhile. Honestly.

But with online dating, all those check boxes, and clicking if something is a dealbreaker or not, how do you know if you haven't really talked to a person? How do you know? I found myself not having any dealbreakers, which didn't unsettle me at all. You say you don't want a guy with a kid, but what if that guy knows you more than anyone else you've ever met? What if that guy really sees you?