Sunday. The park seemed like another country, the sun sliding between the trees. I wandered the hours in a daze, first the farmer's market, surveying the cherries and then the strawberries for any white mush, any bad seeds, then Proof for an overpriced sandwich we finished in .8 seconds flat, then Target for the essentials we had been putting off: toilet paper and paper towels and toothpaste and lens solution and all the stuff you never want to get but forget you need. We ate a middle eastern sandwich as a mid-day snack, split everything, forfeited on the movie after we got the bill, yogurt and creamed honey and a sample of tuna even though we had already eaten. Can't deny samples. Can never deny.

Sad. I'm just making enough to get by. Right now. I made more after I left college. And the commute was less.

Isn't it strange how anything and everything always ends the same?

So, this is life, the little moments. A happy puppy waiting for the crosswalk, pulling on the leash. A flat tire. Cancelled plans. The haze of morning. Struggling to find joy in a glance. A child dropping strawberries on the ground, squishing them with her shoe. Waiting for the ATM, a girl with skintight black pants before me, bow-legs, thighs that dip outward like a wishbone. A boy smiling next to her, and a man at the other ATM, looking her up and down, up and down, hoping for just a smile. Taking turns. Twenty dollars here, thirty dollars there. You get dinner, I'll get dessert. My sneakers are rotting. I've had them too long. I'm going to eat cherries for dinner, though I think M's making green chile. He's a little home maker, I'm a lousy roommate. I never do my part. Instead I'm always writing, writing, writing, and it takes so long for anything to be complete. Time is a construct, but I need more of it. No more structure. Stop.

I joined Okcupid. I told M and he laughed. I just like looking at pictures. There's a drop down option: just looking for friends. I still feel like a weirdo. I picture what their lives are like, all the lonely people, all the people looking for a smile, wanting to connect. I get it. It's hard to meet anyone in Los Angeles, everyone's got their guard up. Almost everyone. You need to break through, burrow in. I don't know how it works. I've always been standoffish. I don't know. I got nothin'. Really.

And now it's Monday again. Monday, Monday, Monday. Somebody's got the case of the Muuundays.

Good thing. Short week. Adventure on Friday. Yes.